what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
