I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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