Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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