my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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