fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
