The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
