Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
