I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
time to smoke my breakfast
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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