Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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