I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
