Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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