I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
