That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he fucked my hip out of place.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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