well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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