i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
