So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
