I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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