Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
