Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
