windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
