It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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