my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
