yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
