saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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