i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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