How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
