I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
