He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
