There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
