We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you never un-have a 4some
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
God I need to hump something, right now.
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