how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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