The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
