in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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