just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
