My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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