you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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