Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
