it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize