Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
