Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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