There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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