he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
we should paint friendship bongs
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
