I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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