It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
