i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
