In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
