so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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