next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
