My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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