Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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