marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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