4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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