So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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