I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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