Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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