i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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