I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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