I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
