I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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