She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
