Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
