I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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