Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize