Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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