whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
