You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
