so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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